Rooms in Hell....
Recently, while in LA, Stephen Jones and some other leaders were discussing what the bible really says about Hell. We inquired as to what it would actually be like...very hot...very cold...smell...on and on. The Bible makes some references to this place of punishment but none of us are certain as to what it will actually be like or consist of. Note: I have made my election sure by a relationship with Jesus...so these are only ponderings of what it will be like for those who haven't cashed in their glory ticket or sailed that gospel ship or whatever salvation venacular you would like to use. All that being said....Let me tell you what i think hell will be like. There are gonna be rooms...Room #1 : The No Talent Guitar Room
In this room will be millions of dudes who all know about two or three licks on the guitar. There will only be one slightly out of tune guitar in this room. Everyone will think that that all the other people in the room are actually impressed at your ability to hallway pick out sweet home alabama. For all etarnity there will be a never ending murder of the G C and D chords because that's all you really know how to play. Day after day you will hear... "um hey, can i ...um lemme show you this song real quick....um hey...lemme see it...gonna show you something....one guitar being passed and picked forever and ever.
Room #2: The Cell Phone Idiot Room
By now you all know that i have a huge problem with mindless cell phone users (see cell phone rules 1 and 2) So my idea of hell involves a room with a little table in the middle and a shiny samsung A670 camera phone laying on the table... The phone rings and someone just talks and talks and never identifies themselves. you don't know who it is...very akward....hang up. Rings again....it's some one who you have just left a long detailed message with and they inform you that they did n't check it but just saw that you called and wanted to see what's up...(i told you "what's up" in my detailed message you idiot) hang up. Rings again...its someone going through a bad cell signal. You play the "can you hear me now " game for about 100 years...hang up. This continues forever and ever as all cell rules are broken over and over for all eternity.
Room #3: The Richard Petty Bad Driving Experience Room
When you walk in this room you are automatically sitting in a minivan ridding down the road. Dont ask me how that happens just play along. SO you are going down the interstate and you are in the right hand fast lane and someone is in front of you doing about 65...you go to pass on the inside and they speed up so that you cant pass...all the while sporting a big # 3 sticker and a "my child is a honor student at smithville elementary" bumpersticker...i bet he is...i bet he cant drive for crap either like his stupid parents.... after this happens for about a melinium you are switched over to a scene where you are on a back road in a hurry to get to the movie store before it closes...and every body in front of you is about a 97 year old lady who thinks that if they turn any faster then their car will flip over...so they take about 2 yrs to make that turn.... both scenes continue for all eternity...
Room #4: The American Idol Room
This is another car scene room...You are in a car with another person and the radio is playing. For whatever reason the person in your car feels the need to mimic every singer on the radio to a volume higher than what is coming out of your speakers. Dave Mathews comes on and they start trying to have the quirky dave voice while singing ants marching...then nickel back comes on and they all of a sudden start trying to sound like a rasphy rock star....did you gargle with razor blades this morning? no. so stop singing like that. Then John mayer's Why Georgia Why comes on and they put on some airy lispy voice. Do you really think that you actually sound like these people... How about you turn down your multi personality jukebox over there and let me hear the real artist sing...because there was not any moment that i had the thought..." wow you really sound like areosmith...or man, you should some do some studio work"...nope, never crossed my mind, sorry. This goes on for ever and ever...
...more rooms to come!
posted by hansen @ 8:37 AM
15 Comments:
I'm feeling this.......mmmhmmmm. I'm feeling it......I have a word (in a Francis Pike voice--love that woman).....this bare's witness with my spirit.
How about a room where nothing but irritating children's shows play all day. You walk into the room surrounded by TV's. On one screen you see Barney singing...."I love you...you love me... Next screen....the crazy red-headed lady with her hand up a lamb puppets butt (a.k.a Lambchop)...singing...."This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on and on my friends", Next screen..."Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" DOES ANYONE REALLY KNOW HOW TO GET THERE? Next screen...Teletubbies-need I say more. This would definitely by my personal Hell.
Stexy.....I affirm your new word :)
erin...have you made your election sure? not much concentrated thought...just what goes on upstairs all the time...
brian...is your heart right with God? i agree with you about that room...def. for people who hate kids
lol! this made my day! thanks!
comments like these
"did you gargle with razor blades this morning? no. so stop singing like that."
is what always makes me laugh the hardest. so dry, so funny. i found another room in hell this weekend and it is filled with the loudest music possible, lame pick-up lines, dancers that look like clowns, & confetti.
LOL!!! Andrea I think the jewels r being pulled right out of ur crown everytime u pick on those kids! ;-)
andrea that's kinda harsh...are you venting?
Stexy,
I'm working on my testimony. You know you can't get anywhere in the ministry without a testimony, LOL . By the way, I don't hate kids at all but I SEVERELY HATE some of the present day children's shows. Whatever happened to Scooby, Smurfs, He-Man, Inspector Gadget, and Gospel Bill.
brian...Jesus never had a testimony but it didn't stop him from ministering...come on some body there is a sermon in that!
to some he may be...the one's who would actually use that wording to talk about their salvation
...very nice post man. This is some funny crap.
Does anyone remember the ride home from youth quest every year on the big bus. You would be quietly sleeping but then for some ungodly reason the people who think that they should have won vocal ensemble begin singing "Amazing Grace" or "Friends a Friend Forever" or my personal favorite "Our God Is An Awesome God" - but they don't stop there. no no, they just keep going and going. It never ENDS! I relate this story to hansen's american idol room in hell. I have been there. I also recall late night singers trips, as if they hadn't had enough singing already. It was always late at night, and always while I was trying to sleep!
jessica: i think there should be a singers room in hell...not the whole experience but some like you just mentioned
ash: my trip to Ga my inspire something this weekend
truce.
that room would suck.
A room for redneck funerals. Visit my blog and see what I'm talking about....Piano lady and Chunky Boy.
By the way, NEW BLOG!
Hansen sweety, I think it is time for a new blog!
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