Do you want fries with that?
I love eating out...Its how i relax most times...i could cook for myself and do occasionally but it's so much more convenient to just have some one else cook for me. Yeah you pay for it but to me its worth it. I love endless options of food and drink...however there is really only one drink option and that is sweet tea. (on that note, i'll just say that my dad and i have adopted a new policy. if i get to a restaurant in the south and they don't serve sweet tea, i just look at them like they have something wrong with them and walk out...arron tippon(thanks sj) said, "you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything)
As much a i love dining out i have found that some things in the restaurant/dessert/coffee buiss tend to urk me just a little...
1) Starbucks
something is wrong when you walk in a place and there is a guy at the door handing out little "starbucks for dummies" workbooks before you even get in line. I feel like i just walked into a room full of women talking about types of wedding dresses or place settings...its another language to me. Everyone in front of me is ordering some kinda moka choka latte chi frapo crapo and im seriously debating saying, " ill have one of those as well" just so i don't look like an idiot. It may wind up tasting like horse pee but at least i will fit in for the moment. I get up there and say, " i'll have a medium coffee." I swear its like someone just stopped the record and everyone in the place is like, "what did he just say", "just coffee?" They 17 yr old kid looks at me like i just cussed his grandma..."thats it?" the kid turns back to the coffee scientist who is rubbing his hands together waiting on another creation and say, "one plain coffee VEINTE" and then they all look at me like you should have known that its called veinte...how dare you not use our stupid coffee terminology and how dare you just get a plain coffee. I will say that its a good cup of joe but im debating if its worth the degrading treatment that i get and apparently deserve.
2)mainline restaurants( long horn, out back, chilies, all the same)
Most of these places have great food. Always coming out with a new dish for my dining pleasure. But why do they all insist on ruining someone's birthday and my meal with those not so catching birthday jingles? 1. if i wanted the whole staff at longhorn to celebrate my birthday with me you would have gotten an invitation. 2. i know how much they hate doing it so you think im gonna eat that slice of birthday cheesecake that everyone collectively spat in before you carted it out to me..? 3. just tell me that your restaurant wishes me a happy birthday...you don't have to sing it, dance it, or scream it to me.
3)coldstone marble slab icecream
i know that just the name of this is making some of us salivate. it is good, no doubt. but can i just say that there gets to be a point where one can have too many options. there are like 200 flavors with 300 toppings. if you used your old combinations trig. math that we all forgot in highschool we would realize that the possibility of combinations is almost endless. I like the idea of a fresh icecream mixed with something right before my eyes but please narrow down the playing field a little. I have stood in those places forever just staring at the wall of wonder. To make it worse, they too have come up with their own size naming system like starbucks: Like it, Love it, and Gotta Have it. i think that is supposed to mean; small medium and large. Why? i don't get the logic. i finally make a desicion on a ice cream that looks good to me after racking my brain forever and decided that i would "like" some strawberry cheesecake. But what if i Gotta have a small helping of this treat? or what if i would Love a lot of it? those size names do not always fit and make my entire experience even more confusing. Small medium and large have worked great for many years...there is not need to rename the system.
4)Ci Ci's Pizza
"HI, WELCOME TO Ci Ci'S" I appreciate your enthusiasm and excitement on my arrival but please don't yell at me when i walk in your store. They might as well just say, " Hi welcome Hell Hell" (a place not a cuss word ) because thats what im gonna be in for the next 45 min. with all this yelling. I just want some pizza for 3 dollars, not a headache from your yelling at me and everyone that comes in after me. Oh and keep the spinach pizza coming!
5) Fast Food Drive Through
im not a big fan of the value meals. i feel like im already eating the worst thing i could possibly put in my body so why make it worse with fries and a soft drink. So im driving through the other day and get the normal scratchy uncomprehendable voice, "welcome to hardees may i take your order?" yes i would like just one grilled chicken sandwitch. "Would you like anything else with that sir?" no, just ONE grilled chicken sandwitch. "Sir would you like to make that a combo?" ok so at this point i thought i had made it real clear that all i wanted was ONE grilled chiken sandwitch. if i would have wanted the combo i can read well enough to see it and order it. so i say NO, JUST ONE GRILLED CHICKEN SANDWICH AS I HAVE SAID 3 TIMES. "Please drive around"....in a very snappy tone. I know that my ONE grilled chicken sanwitch is prob. thrown on the floor after my last comment. Do they make a huge commision on selling me the value meal? Does someone have their kids and family held hostage and they must sell that value meal in order to ever see the family again? One would think, given they way they push their fast food agenda on me every time.
posted by hansen @ 9:18 AM
19 Comments:
I've just got to comment that I'm sorry you feel lost in the world of Starbucks. It's really not that bad, and if you want a lesson in Starbuckanese please let me know. You can come to my store and I'll make you an awesome grande regular coffee anyday WITH a smile. :-) Miss ya...
I have worked in the restaurant business with Outback for close to 7 years now and yes, we do hate the birthday song. It is the worst part of the business and I have always avoided it at any cost. When it looks like everyone is headed out to a table, dessert in hand, I go into hiding. If someone catches me and asks me to sing, I say "Sure, I'll meet you at the table" and never show up. It's humiliating.
Don't ever move to Florida. Most places here don't know what sweet tea is. It's the worst!
Ba da ba ba bah...I'm lovin' it!
Ha ha ha this was GREAT.
Great blog my friend. I'm so glad you decided to update. Okay, my take on it........Starbucks--ain't got nothin' for it. I don't do coffee, love the smell, but it tastes like dirt to me. Can't have the Latta Caramela Sweet and Sour whatever cause I'm diabetic so it cuts that out for me. CiCi's--CAN'T STAND THE SCREAMING. My spirit bears (it this the correct spelling for the usage) witness with the spinach pizza. I LOVE their BBQ pizza. The Birthday song......I was at a restaurant the other day and about died...the sang and it went a little like this....clap clap clap clap "Happy Happy
Birthday, our song is really short!" and everyone turned around and walked off without saying another word. It was hillarious. This blog made my day and it's going to be a hellish one.
Tryin' to get out of here for Turkey day but got a dang Community service at our church.
WOW!! I would have to agree on EVERY single one of those. My husband and I went to Ci's Ci's the other day and it was aweful. I feel like it has turned into a hang out for teeny poppers who don't have enough money to take their date somewhere else. UGH~
As for some of the "family" restraunts, well that birthday song has gotten out of hand. Like each place has to one up on the other. We have Macaroni grill here and they sing happy birthday in Italian Opera style. You know I think I actually like that. Must be all those voice lessons with Ms. Estes.(Shoot, if that was the case I should be a nervous wreck when I hear it)
W*
I like being sung Happy Birthday at those places. I think it is because I am sadistic and I know they hate it. Every time I go, I clap and try to sing along with them. I know that probably makes it even worse for them. But I love free stuff, so sing-a-long for free chocolate cake to me seems like a fair price.
this blog is hysterical:) i must say i worked at a coffee shop and i never looked at people that way, but i have experienced that myself. i wanted to scream: I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, but really they don't care because they are coffee s, much like the soup off of Seinfeld.
the quiz is okcupid.com/politics
ah but you see they have you in their trap. These (though pretty cheesy and definitely frustrating) are all marketing naming techniques to make each place creative hence making some sort of impression on you. These places have obviously succeeded or you wouldn't be blogging about them and actually advertising for them. Now we will all think about them and try the ones we haven't tried before to see just what you’re saying b/c after all you are 'Hansen Steck.'
(bravo…you make me laugh…especially lines like this “Everyone in front of me is ordering some kinda moka choka latte chi frapo crapo and im seriously debating saying, " ill have one of those as well" just so i don't look like an idiot.” lol!
I have to admit that while working at Starbucks for a year and a half, I never once thought that a grande coffee was boring. Usually it was a nice break from having to actually work. I will agree that there is almost like a Starbucks language all of its own, but after working there I am very fluent in it. If you have any questions you just let me know.
People come in day after day, and they do not even have to say what they want anymore. The barista just knows, I have no idea how i did it. I have a hard time memorizing scripture, but I can remember all of my customers names and what they drink. The mind is a crazy thing.
On another note... How they can charge $4.20 for a grande gingerbread latte? I could buy an entire gallon of milk for that price.
Great post as always!
rachel- the plan did work and now im ordering with more confidence..thanks!
erin/andrea-never compare circle K coffe to the Starbucks coffe...it is NOT the same. and the grande coffe is not that expensive, just you need to know the language before entering
barrett- can i sing you happy birthday...will that satiate your sadistic nature?
jesus jones- you did call me out but i can recive correction in the lord. He is faithful. I have corrected my folly.
deb-you of all people should know that i have a good handle on nutrition...thats all im gonna say
amber/neo blogger- you have been drinking hateraide again havent you?
Hansen,
Jennifer sent you an email to your Stanley account and your yahoo account. Check your email and let me know if you got it.
Brian
"hateraide" Hansen? oh that's like the way you hate me all the time but the "aide" makes it sound like a drink. Kind of like knee mail. I think you need to do some knee mail and let the hate in your heart for me go.
"me go," that sounds like a little Japanese car or something. Their slogan might be "We go in a Mego!"
I'm such an idiot.
hansen...you just make me laugh!
on target as always.
starbucks sucks, their coffee is nasty, and you are right they have too many names and wierd terms for all of their fru fru. its just coffee, like andrea said you can get it at circle k or 711 for about 6 bucks less. i prefer dunkin donuts coffee 1.50 the best you could ever spend on coffee.
leah- dunkin dounughts does have great coffee for whatever reason it is best at the store...
barret- dont make fun of amber, she cant help it (mego) spanish: mi amigos vamanos en un mego!
deb-see now you know what im talkng about...they make you feel small
beav-just trying to keep my finger on the pulse
dunkin donuts coffee ROCKS im drinking one as i type this, and im not sure why but you guys are right it is better at the store for who knows why.
barret- "dont make fun of amber, she cant help it (mego) spanish: mi amigos vamanos en un mego!"
no odie
This ones OLD. New blog!
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