Rooms In Hell (part II)
I liked that movie called "The Island" but i enjoyed it better the first three times when it was called the Matrix... (let that one sink in)Rehashed material is never any good and I realize that a sequel is never as good as the first one but as promised in Rooms In Hell part 1(go check it out first before reading further) there would be more rooms to come...
so here they are:
5) The Boston Tea Party Room:
even with all the fire and sulfur smell and darkness and all the things that we typically assume hell will contain, i don't think anything could possible be worse than spending all of eternity with people with Boston accents. You walk in this room and at first it appears that everything is normal...there are people interacting with one another and then all of a sudden everyone notices you and they all want to talk to you about their day. However when they speak they have the worst Boston accent that you can imagine. Now let me say this....i realize that being from the south i may be a little biased and we get a bad rap for having a slower speech...BUT AT LEAST WE PRONOUNCE ALL OF OUR LETTERS CORRECTLY...Bostonians have gotten together and decided that they are too good to pronounce their R's. For example, one of them might say...Im going to get in da caaaa and go to the paaaak. WHAT? They were trying to say caR and paRk...but they feel that it is ok to leave it out...Not only that but they decided that their volume control should not come from their lungs but through their nose...combine these two speaking flaws and you have a room in hell that even the worst of sinners do not deserve.
6) The just enough water to piss you off room:
When you enter hell you will find room number 6. You will enter this room and as soon as you do you become health conscience and very thirsty...On the wall they have big vats of sweet tea and coke/pepsi products with huge abyss boy cups for your filling, however because you are so health conscience now you would just like a tall cold glass of water. But where is the water to be found? Oh there it is, it s under one of the soft drink dispensers...You grab the abyss boy sized cup and fill it with ice and go to fill it up to satiate that growing thirst and as soon as you get close enough to start your fill, this little teenager comes out from behind the counter and says, "oh im sorry but you cant use those cups for water, here...take this little thimble...this is for the water.." Oh but you don't have to go to room number 6 in hell to have this experience...just try going to your local Panera Bread, Jason's deli, Subway or any "health conscience" restaurant. You order this very healthy meal and decide that you would like a nice cold water to wash it down with...Should you decide not to purchase that 4 dollar bottle of Evian that they are trying to sell you, they will give you a tiny little shot glass/thimble to put your free water in...Im like what the crap is this? Oh im sorry sir but that what you get your water in...I guess its their way of maintaining the power and a way of punishing us for not buying their bottled water...You may not pay for that free ice water but you will by having to get up 37 times during your meal for your refill.
7) The Echo Room
this room is not a cave where your voice resonates off the walls and causes you to hear and echo...no, all there is in this room is one guy who has this sort of "know it all" look and he is just standing there waiting on you to speak to him. You two get in to a conversation and things seem to be going fairly well until you realized that he is not saying anything new or different from what you are saying...For example you begin to tell him how you died and came to this place and the car accident that happened on a slippery rainy night and how your car ran off into a ditch and wrapped around a tree...He follows that with, " Yeah, well, The Thing about it is...its hard to drive on a wet road. You are like...um...yeah, i know, i just told you that. Have you ever met someone who can never say anything new or original? They just always start off with that phrase, "Well the thing about it is.."then they just repeat what you have already been talking about. You might say something like, i love the new video Ipod, it holds 60 g of info...and then that person says, "well the thing about it is, those new ipod can hold more than the old ones....Hello, that was just clearly stated...you are not telling me anything new...Dont say, "the thing about it is" like you have some new angle or different thought to shoot at our conversation and we are all just waiting to hear it and then jsut repeat what i said. Well, The thing about it is, you are a moron and can't think for yourself...some of us are not in room # 7 but we see this on a daily basis.
8) The DMV Room
Ok this one is not a room at all and i'll tell you why. You don't have to go to hell to find this room. All you have to do is have an expired license or tags and you will encounter this place of weeping and gnashing of teeth. I heard a comedian say one time and ill just borrow from him (dane cook) said that they should have a big bald biker dude at the front of the line at the DMV, he will be decked out in all his leather attire and tattoos...when you get in line...he will just growl at you and punch you in the jaw. This may seem extreme but at least you know that nothing much worse could happen to you while you are in there...I think that the DMV workers must wake up in the morning and say, "how can i ruin someone's life today?" They must practice their scowl and grimace. They have inhouse training once a quarter on how to create a miserable work environment. No one has ever had a good experience at the DMV. It s just that some are not as horrible as others. If you are assigned this room when you depart then you must have done something really bad like make fun special olympics high dive competition...and if you laughed at that then shame on you.
posted by hansen @ 8:08 AM
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