Conversation Rules...
Conversation...whats that?In the world where its much easier to send a text or myspace comment or email, significant conversation is becoming a lost art. I mean, why talk something out or have a meaningful discussion when you can just send a quick text message (so long as its not longer than 160 characters mind you)
It seems to me however that some people have developed their own brands of talking or ways to communicate. Sometimes these conversation "styles" are a bit frustrating when you are trying to communicate. I thought I might address a few of them and give us some guidelines to follow for future conversations...
1) The Me, Myself, and I rule:
This rule is for the one who loves to talk about their favorite person...Themselves. Its not hard to pick out this type of conversationalist...all you have to do is tell them that you are having a bad day, then wait.............instead of them asking about your bad day, this inwardly motivated person will immediately begin to tell you how bad their day was with out even letting you finish...you can see it in their eye. They just sit there with their mouth almost open, nodding to try to get you to finish, just waiting for the opportunity to spew out selfish chatter. Then they go on and on about how much worse their day was than yours. Here is the rule. If someone is talking to you...listen. Let them finish. Then once they are done telling their mess, you can follow up with question or comment about THEIR story...not yours. Then you must listen again after you have followed up. At this point you may offer advice or even share a similar experience as long as you are not trying to "one up" them or take this opportunity to spew your own mess. If they wanted to talk about your life then they would have asked you to tell them something about your life. They didn't. So be quiet. Listen. Follow Up. And Share.
2) The "Whatever" rule:
There is nothing that makes me want to check myself in to the local insane asylum more than hearing someone say, "whatever" in the middle of a conversation. That is the absoute worst response you can give someone after they have made a point. Now usually this term is only used in a conversation that is a bit heated and where something specific is disagreed upon and one person is making their case. Here is the rule. Don't ever under any circumstance respond to someone's statement by saying "whatever." If you are in the wrong, admit it and go on. If you are right, then make your case and come to an agreement. "Whatever" is officially stricken from all conversation. Let it be written, Let it be done...Pharaoh has spoken.
3) The Attention Span of a 6 yr old rule:
I can write about this because i have the attention span of a 6 yr old. Some would say we have Adult ADD. Whatever. (FYI: I just broke rule #2) The point is that there are some people (hansen, pj, and most riddlin patients) who have a hard time focusing when someone is talking. You could be talking to one of these attention deficient people and be in the middle of sentence and the next thing you know they have created a miniature Stonehenge out of the napkin on the table. These people usually don't give you much eye contact because they are looking at the fire sprinkler heads coming out of the ceiling and wondering, "how hot would it have to get for one of those things to go off and start spraying everyone, and if everyone were being sprayed how much different would that lady behind me look if her makeup were washed off by the spraying fire sprinkler?" If you find yourself in conversation with one of these "free spirits" then you must be very illustrated. You my even want to bring a laptop and have a powerpoint presentation prepared with cool transitions in order to keep their attention. But don't worry, when its their turn to talk, just sit back and enjoy cause you are in for one heck of a story!
4) The "you know what your problem is?" rule:
Yes. Its you... telling me I have a problem all the time. I don't have a problem. I may have a Situation that needs addressing and I would like for you to just sit there and here me out for once with out saying, " you know what your problem is...." How about this. You listen. (sounds like rule #1) I'll tell you whats going on. You DON'T tell me what my problem is, and you just try and be helpful with out making me feel like im an idiot. Could you do that? That would be fabulous. Thanks.
5) The "always and never" rule:
Its very rare that anything "always" happens or "never" happens. However many people (mostly women...sorry ladies but its true) like to use these terms when making accusation against someone. When you say " you Always do this" or "you Never do that" it implies that you have more evidence for this action or lack of action than you actually do. How about we try sticking to the facts and using real situations when making an accusation or claim. If you are going to make a hasty generalization then at least adjust your terms to "usually" and "hardly ever"...that may be a little bit closer to real life than "Always" and "Never."
posted by hansen @ 9:32 PM
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